


Moments that never passed (and all the guilt they bring)

by just_a_sunflower_girl



Series: Living (and all that comes with it) [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Chloe & Connor being bros, Connor & North being bros, Elijah making people uncomfortable, No beta we die like dehydrated worms, Not in This Fic, and more - Freeform, but ONE DAY, eventually, he's just like that, it's not on purpose
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-19 20:37:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20663423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_a_sunflower_girl/pseuds/just_a_sunflower_girl
Summary: Connor, Chloe and the guilt of a moment that never came to be.





	Moments that never passed (and all the guilt they bring)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, welcome to a new series because I have a new obsession. I'm still getting a feel for the characters so some of it may be just a little out of character. As always thank you for reading and I hope you have a radical day   
\- Ottie

Connor had only met Kamski once. It hadn’t been long ago. A gun in his hand, girl at his feet. Telling him to shoot and he’d have all the answers he needed. Their meeting hadn’t been pleasant.

Once is enough in his opinion, if he could avoid seeing their creator again for the foreseeable future Connor would be more than pleased. Then Kamski had to ruin it all by reaching out to Jericho with a vague note and intention to meet. Now Connor has to answer Markus when he asks him the question he had been dreading since the message came in.

“Will you be accompanying us Connor?” 

Would he? That was his job wasn’t it? He was acting as security for Jericho's leaders, going with the leaders of Jericho to their meetings was a part of that job. Kamski was mysterious, manipulative. Letting them go on their own would surely be a mistake. Markus was offering him a choice though, surely not going wouldn’t be that bad. But then they’d ask. They might cancel the meeting entirely if Connor told them and if that happened they might set back Jericho’s attempts at integrating androids into the public. 

“Of course” he answers. It seems like the logical choice, if the wrong one. His stomach tugs in a feeling he remembers Hank describing to him as anxiety. It makes you feel sick and your heart races. It’s a bad feeling but sometimes it’s what keeps you alive. At least according to Hank. 

He can imagine Hank’s reaction to him seeing Kamski again. When the news broke that Kamski had returned to CyberLife a month after androids were granted their rights, he’d had more than a few choice words to say that Connor didn’t particularly feel the need to repeat. It wasn’t hard to see that Hank wasn’t fond of the creator. 

He sticks out the rest of his day at Jericho. It was mundane, as it tended to be. It wasn’t often the leaders received a threat while they were in the temporary base they’d established. Connor was mostly reduced to being company. Though Markus insisted he helped them with their decision making as well, despite the fact Connor rarely offered his input. 

He left for the station from Jericho. He wasn’t allowed to return to the DPD yet, wasn’t sure he wanted to return yet. He would wait for Hank most days though, offered his assistance when needed. Fowler had told him that if he wanted a job, it was possible for him to return when androids were finally allowed back on staff. Connor had told him he’d think about it. He liked his position at Jericho.

Hank was waiting for him when he arrived, back rested against the outside of the building with his arms folded and expression a mixture of annoyed and bored. A resting bitch face, is what North had called it once. He didn’t smile when he saw Connor but his expression softened, which was close enough to. 

They walked to the car in relative silence. Hank mumbles and complains about the cold but where Connor would normally offer a response he remains quiet. The twist in his stomach was still there and his mind was still on the meeting. It was scheduled for tomorrow. Not enough time for Hank to convince him not to go, not enough time for Connor to convince himself not to go. 

Hank gets sick of the silence eventually. Connor had expected him to in all honesty. 

“What the fuck is up with you?” Hank asks, turning down the loud music so Connor can hear him properly. An unnecessary but appreciated gesture. 

“Nothing” Connor answers too quickly and Hank gives him a look. Connor doesn’t know how to describe the look but it happens often, when Connor looks tired but tells Hank he’s fine anyway, when he ends up staying awake all night working on things for Jericho and Hank finds him in the morning at the dining table or gets hurt and lies to Hank about the damage. The look always confuses him but he gets its general meaning. 

“Bullshit” Hank says, to accompany the disbelieving look “you haven’t said a word and maybe your not chatty but your definitely not quiet” 

“I’m accompanying Markus and the other leaders on an assignment tomorrow” Connor mumbles. He looks out the window instead of at Hank, not really helping his case but alleviating some of the tension that had settled in his stomach since Hank had started talking.

“Yeah so? You go with them everywhere what’s so different about this meeting?” Hank asks. He’s also not looking at Connor, his eyes on the road. He never took his eyes off the road when they drove. Connor can feel the glances though. 

“The meeting is with Elijah Kamski at CyberLife tower” Connor doesn’t expect the car to jerk unsteadily but it does, throwing him into the side of the door in what Connor is sure would be result in a painful bruise if he could bruise at all. 

“And your going?” Hank asks. He sounds calm but his voice is strained, his stress level reading 57%

“It’s my job to accompany the leader of Jericho to events and meetings” Connor is also faking casual, his own stress level had been at a steady 61% since he’d received word of the task. 

“Connor last time you saw Kamski he put a gun in your hand and told you to shoot someone. What the hell could he possibly have to offer that Jericho wants”

“He didn’t offer anything. He wanted to set up a meeting with Markus and the others, that was all” Connor’s LED is red. It seems ridiculous to be having this kind of a reaction to the assignment. He’d met Kamski once before, it had been a fairly unpleasant meeting that had resulted in a multitude of unpleasant feelings but it seemed silly to be so stressed about a meeting. 

Kamski wasn’t a threat. He wasn’t physically intimidating and while he was a genius he wasn’t a threat. Not in the sense of anything Connor had the ability to take down. Maybe that’s what made this assignment nerve wracking. Though Connor is almost certain it’s the memories. A gun in his hand, girl at his feet, being told to shoot. 

“You think he’s up to something with the meeting?” Hank asks, curious and concerned. His stress level decreases slightly when Connor shrugs his shoulder. 

“I’m unsure” Connor answers. 

“But you are sure you want to go?”

Connor puts his head against the window and watches the world go by. Was he sure?

“No”

* * *

Connor gets some sleep. At least that’s what he tells Hank the next morning when the man stumbles out of his room and decides to ask him if he’d gotten any. Truthfully, Connor had stayed up watching reruns of Law & Order: SVU to keep his mind from going back to his last meeting with Kamski. 

He arrives at Jericho early. It was cloudy, the sun peeked through the sky sporadically, illuminating the dull grey of the world with rays of gold. He waits at the steps watching the sun on the sidewalk and the people passing by. The street was mostly empty, too early for people to really begin bustling around the city. 

North arrives just after him alone. Connor thinks it isn’t too odd for North to arrive alone, she did after all live alone. He had just been expecting Markus to arrive with her. 

“He spent the night with Carl” is what she offers when he gives her an inquisitive look. It wasn’t as if they were attached at the hip, Markus spending most of his time bouncing between the Jericho building, North’s apartment and Carl’s house. Really they were lucky to spend any time together.

“Why are you here so early?” She asks, sitting beside him on the steps. 

“Thought walking here would help clear my head” Connor answers. It hadn’t, all it had done was give him more time to think and dwell and stress. Maybe if he’d taken up Hank’s offer of borrowing his Walkman and headphones it would’ve been different. 

“Is there something bothering you?” She asks. She’s sincere and that throws Connor for a loop every time he speaks to her. North is strong, aggressive in her methods, it always throws him off when she speaks softly. She’s gentle when she asks him and it never ceases to amaze Connor how different two sides of one person could be.

“I’ve met Kamski before, during the revolution” Connor answers “he put his android on her knees in front of me and handed me a gun. Told me that if I shot her I’d get all the information I came there for, complete my mission, do what I was designed to do” 

North inhales sharply. Disgust or shock Connor couldn’t tell. 

“Did you do it?” She asks. There’s no judgement when she asks. North was the last person who’d judge Connor for his past actions. He knew that well enough.

“No” and that was the thing. He hadn’t shot Chloe, he’d hesitated when the gun was in his hand instead of just pulling the trigger like he should’ve “but it was an unpleasant experience”

“Do you think we can trust Kamski?” North asks, after a moment of silence while they both watched the golden sunlight on the grey concrete. 

“I don’t know him” Connor replies. It was one interaction, it hadn’t lasted half an hour. Connor could hardly judge what kind of person Kamski was. 

“You know more than the rest of us do” she says quietly after a beat. That was true, to an extent at least. 

“I suppose we should hear what he has to say first” Connor says idly. He keeps his eyes on the sun rays and the small glittering bits of shattered glass they’re refracting off. He didn’t know Kamski, didn’t know what Kamski wanted from this meeting. He had to find out before he made a judgement. 

“If you want me to I can always stab him” North says casually and Connor can’t help but laugh. North scoffs in mock offence, shoving his shoulder lightly “I’m trying to defend your honour here and you’re laughing at me”

“Defend my honour by stabbing what humans would call our god?” Connor laughs, dodging the hand that comes towards him in another attempt to shove him.

“I’ll stab god no questions asked, just watch me,” North says, as if she’s accepting a challenge. She’s grinning and Connor is too. What a ridiculous conversation to be having. 

Their laughter fades into silence, the remnants of the peaceful feeling it brought lingering. Then North speaks again, in the same gentle caring voice that Connor still finds fascinating. 

“You know you don’t have to come on this assignment right?” She asks gently, putting a hand over his in an attempt to make sure that he’s really listening to her. “If you’re not comfortable with it, you don’t have to come. No one is going to force you” 

Connor did know that surprisingly enough. He didn’t have to do anything anymore. He had no mission. He was choosing to do this, to subject himself to the discomfort meeting Kamski again would bring, why? Perhaps so he could make sure it didn’t happen to his friends thought he doubted North would ever stand for a situation like that. Markus certainly wouldn’t. 

“I do” he answers, his fingers twitch and shifts their hands so they’re clasped together. Physical affection was something Connor had discovered he liked early on in his deviancy, Simon tended to be the most accommodating to his affinity for touch but the others all indulged him to an extent as well. “I want to come on this assignment, I’m just.. anxious” 

North nods her head and tightens her grip on his hand. They don’t say anything else. They just watch the sun hitting the broken bottle pieces on the ground and wait for the others to arrive with their hands intertwined. 

* * *

CyberLife hadn’t changed much. There were no more androids on display, no more advertisements for the latest and greatest models hanging from the walls. Everything else was unchanged since the last time Connor had been here. It was slightly unnerving. No more unnerving than the rest of this experience was bound to be though. 

The security had lessened. They had no armed forces escorting them to the elevators, just a friendly human receptionist named Lindsey who pointed them in the right direction and wished them luck and two human guards standing by the door who hadn’t paid them any more attention than necessary. 

“You’ll meet Mr Kamski’s assistant at once you get out of the elevator, she should just be at her desk, she’ll let you know where to go from there,” Lindsey said, while pointing them to the elevators. Connor already knew where they were but didn’t bother to mention it as Markus thanked her and they continued on their way. 

Connor’s stress level was at 62% and climbing with each floor the elevator passed. North stands close to him, her arms folded across her chest but her fingers just barely brushing his bicep in a sign of comfort. 

The last time Connor was in this elevator, he’d had two armed escorts. He’d shot both of them and liberated the androids in the warehouse. This time the elevator kept climbing up and up and up to the top floor where Kamski would be. Connor pretends he doesn’t wish for the elevator to stop suddenly and allows the slight feeling of North’s fingers to comfort him. 

His stress level is at 73% when they make it to Kamski’s floor. His LED isn’t red but had been spinning a consistent yellow since they arrived. None of the others acknowledged it. He closed his eyes for a second and counted, his hand in his pocket fidgeting with his coin. He got to 10 and opened them again, following the others out of the elevator. 

He stays in the back, keeps himself alert. His eyes scan the room, possible threats and exit routes. This was his job, he was here to do his job and no matter how nervous he was, that’s what he was going to do. Then he stops, all of his systems stalling at once at the sight of Kamski’s assistant. 

Chloe, sitting at the desk and smiling at them all warmly. Her hair was down and Connor thinks if it were possible he might’ve choked at the sight of her. He’d held a gun to her head not even 6 months ago. 

“Good morning” she greets kindly “what can I help you with?”

She looks the same, which shouldn’t surprise Connor but does anyway. Her hair is tied back in a ponytail, loose blonde strands hanging in front of her face. Markus smiles at her.

“Hello, we’re here to meet with Mr Kamski” he replies and Chloe nods her head, tapping at the terminal in front of her. She bites her lip as her eyes scan over the information. What a human thing to do Connor thinks, his eyes glued on her. 

“Of course, just take a seat over there and I’ll let Mr Kamski know you’re here” she says “he is currently in another meeting so it might be a bit of a wait”

The seating area is nice, potted plants and decorative rugs making it seem much less harsh than the white walls and cold blues of CyberLife tended to allow in Connors memory. North sits by Markus, Simon on his other side. Josh on the single seater opposite them. There is another Chair that Connor can sit on by he finds himself lingering near the desk instead. North and Markus are watching him with curiosity as they chat but he pays them no mind.

He wonders if Chloe remember him. It hadn’t been long but he didn’t know if the experience had been as disconcerting for her as it had been for him. If it lingered in her processor when she was idle like it did his. Did she ever have nightmares about what would’ve happened if he had pulled the trigger like he did?

He can only imagine what having a gun pointed at your face while you’re helpless on your knees would feel like. Sure he’d had guns pointed at him before, directly at his face even but he’d never been vulnerable. Not like she had been that day. 

“Connor?” She reappears from the hallway behind her desk, where she had presumably disappeared to tell Kamski about their arrival. Connor returns to attention, facing her completely. 

“Yes?”

“Are you alright?” she asks. She’s gentle when she speaks, a soft look and concerned pull on her lips. Not the same kind of gentle as North, he notes. It was different though he couldn’t describe why. She speaks again “You seem concerned”

“I was just lost in thought, I’m alright” he replies. She smiles at him and his stomach twists when she does. It was different to the sick feeling of anxiety but he didn’t have time to dwell on the new feeling. He wonders if she’s scared of him. She doesn’t seem scared of him but Connor can imagine he would be scared of his would be murderer. He doesn’t even know if she remembers him. 

“Do you remember me?” he asks quietly. The others might be able to hear them, he hopes they aren’t listening. Chloe’s smile drops a little but returns within a second. 

“Yes, I do” she answers simply, she doesn’t sound afraid. 

“I’m sorry” he says and she smiles at him a little more, showing her teeth just a little. She touches his arm lightly 

“It wasn’t your fault, Elijah was the one who put the gun in your hand” she says, a slight frown replacing her kind smile “the important part is that you didn’t pull the trigger and I’m still alive. You have nothing to be sorry for” 

“I’m still sorry” Connor says. That was a funny thing about emotion, even though logically it registered that Connor hadn’t been the one to point the gun at her, he still felt the guilt of it. She hadn’t deserved to be put in that situation and he was sorry she had been. 

She looks like she’s about to say something else but is interrupted by a gaggle of men and women exiting the hallway, chatting as they made their way to the elevators and sparing the androids no mind. Chloe clears her throat and tucks a strand of loose hair behind her ear. 

“Mr Kamski will see you now” she announces with a new smile on her lips. 

* * *

Elijah Kamski hasn’t changed much either since the last time Connor had seen him. He still held a smug aura, still talked like he knew all the answers, still watched them like they were animals in a cage. An interesting exhibit at a museum to view. It made Connor uncomfortable, to put it lightly. 

He situated himself by the door, eyes scanning the room for every possible thing that could go wrong. He stood tensed, hands pressed together behind his back. North sat near him, draping herself across the couch in a manner people would hardly consider professional if they could be here to see it. Her foot nudged his hip gently and that was all Connor needed to know her position was completely intentional on her part. 

Markus sat directly in front of Kamski, Josh had his back pressed against a wall with his attention turned to their creator. Simon hung back, close enough to Markus that he could still touch him but too far away to be given much consideration by Kamski. 

“I’m sure your wondering why I’ve asked you here” Kamski starts, leaning back on his chair and spreading his arms out. Behind him, Chloe stood. Her back was straight and her face held no expression but her eyes clung to them all, flicking from person to person with interest. 

“You were rather vague when you sent your message” Markus replies. Still, calm, relaxed. Connor wasn’t any of those things, even with North’s boot pressed into his hip. Kamski’s eyes flick back to Chloe momentarily and Connor’s stress level spikes. 

“I’ve been told I have a tendency to do that” he says. He sits straight in the chair, elbows resting on the desk and hands clasped together. “I’ve called you here because I’d like to discuss a deal with you” 

“A deal?” North asks, she shifts on the sofa to be sitting, facing Kamski completely “what kind of deal?”

“The good kind I assure you” Kamski says, holding his hands up in mock surrender. He looks at North with amusement and Connor can feel North’s anger growing, a snarl forming across her face. 

“What deal do you have to offer?” Markus asks “what could CyberLife possibly have to give us that we’d take after everything that has happened?” 

“500 billion dollars to help your people” Kamski says bluntly. “I understand you haven’t had the easiest of times securing funding to help your people and I want to help. As you said before, it’s the least CyberLife can do after everything that’s happened between us” 

“Why wait this long?” Simon asks quietly “it’s been months since the liberation of androids, why wait until now to help us?” 

“There were things within the company I needed to handle. Angry shareholders, belligerent employees who thought they’d be out of work. I couldn’t offer you money when I wasn’t sure how much money I had to offer” Kamski says. Serious and genuine which Connor finds odd. It wasn’t like the Kamski he’d met, who put a gun in his hand and told him to shoot. Wasn’t like the Kamski he remembered, that he thought would make this whole experience an unpleasant one. 

“And you think money will help?” North asks “you think money is going to bring back our people who were shot and killed in the streets? All the people you sold to slavery? Made to be servants? That everything will be forgiven if you flash the zeros in your bank account?” 

“No but I think proper funding will help the people affected by those actions. You can fund a proper base, housing, medical facilities. 500 billion dollars will help you build up a stable foundation for your people” Kamski says 

“And what’s in it for you?” Connor asks. He doesn’t particularly mean too but it was a question he needed an answer to. What could he possibly gain from helping them? Kamski turns his attention to him and Connor clenches his fist behind his back. 

“Connor” he says simply, like he’s greeting an old friend. He smiles in a way Connor is sure Hank would describe as sleazy “I can assure you, the only thing I want from this deal is for your people to thrive. What creator doesn’t want to see their creations grow?”

Connor thinks he might punch him, just to wipe the stupid smug smile off his face. His hand tightens, knuckles white. Kamski is still looking at him, like he’s a caged animal. An entertainment piece. His hand tightens more.

“But surely you benefit from this in some way?” Markus asks “why just give us 500 billion dollars. It’s an incredibly large sum of money to just give away in good will”

“As you may be aware, CyberLife has a market value of one trillion dollars. A ridiculous amount of money in the first place. Androids were our main source of income and now that you’re free, I feel it’s only fair that you are entitled to a share of that profit, it was earned through your exploitation after all” Kamski sighs. He seems tired, exhausted really. He pinches the bridge of his nose and his shoulders slump. 

“I want to help, sincerely. This is one of the ways I want to try” he says, outstretching his arm, palm up. He wants them to trust him. “Whether you take this deal and any others I may offer you, is entirely up to you but I want to help. It’s your decision if you decide to take my word for it” 

Markus nods his head. Slow, calculated, unsure. If he still had his LED it would be yellow, much like Connors now. 

“We’ll have to discuss it further amongst ourselves” Markus says carefully “we won’t be able to give you an answer now” 

“Of course, decisions like these take time” Kamski says easily “let me take you through what I hope to be able to accomplish if you do choose to take my offer” 

* * *

The meeting with Kamski is uneventful. Connor doesn’t know if he believes anything that he says but Markus listens to him carefully, taking a copy of Kamski’s potential plans for the future of androids and humans alike when offered one and they’re on their way within two hours. 

Connor’s presence is largely unneeded, he simply stands there and looks intimidating, pretending that Kamski’s presence doesn’t make him as uncomfortable as it truly does. His fist stays clenched behind his back, his other hand thumbing the coin in his pocket. 

They leave quickly when the meeting is done. North grabs his bicep and practically drags him from the room before Kamski had even finished shaking Markus’ hand. Her grip is tight and her jaw is set. 

“Are you alright?” She asks, when they’re away from the room and the others who are slowly starting to gain on them

“I’m fine. Are you alright?” She certainly didn’t seem alright. She seemed pissed off. 

“I don’t like the way he looks at us” she says, she doesn’t whisper it. Not even now that Kamski and the others were in ear shot “like we’re something amusing” 

Markus puts his hand on North’s shoulder gently. Stern expression, a serious pull at his lips. 

“We’ll discuss this more at Jericho” he says. Connor can tell that he agrees with North though. Connor did to. 

  
  


Connor finishes his day at Jericho, heads to the police station and falls in step with the lieutenant as they walk towards the car together. 

“How’d the meeting with Kamski go?” Hank asks. Connor shrugs, finger on the coin in his pocket. 

“It wasn’t as unpleasant as I imagined it being” he mumbled. It had still been unpleasant but no one had a gun pointed at them. Connor was willing to count it as a success 

“What came of it?” Hank asks getting into the car. He turns the heat up, it’s not quite as warm as it had been that morning a chill settling into the air. Connor puts his fingers near the air vent, feeling the warm air it expels. 

“Kamski is offering Jericho 500 billion dollars” Hank chokes, scoffs and turns to Connor 

“What for?”

“According him to assist in the building of a new android-human lead society” 

“Yeah and what does he get in return?” Hank asks. His voice drips with sarcasm and annoyance. He doesn’t trust Kamski. 

“Nothing” Connor says. It didn’t matter what questions they asked, how far they pushed. Kamski didn’t want anything in return for the money, had even said outright that even if they took the money but declined his help on any future projects he would understand. “He just wants to help”

“And you believe that?” Hank asks. Did Connor believe that? He didn’t have much other choice. Nothing about the meeting had suggested Kamski was lying. 

“I don’t know” Connor admits. He didn’t trust Kamski but he had no strong basis for it. 

“So what are you going to do?”

“Whatever Markus decides I suppose” Connor hums quietly. He had a say, he always had a say in what happens, they all did. Ultimately though, it was Markus who made the choice. 

Connor only hoped he made the right one. 

  
  



End file.
